In case you missed the memo: I'm baaaack!!! That's right, I'm home. I'm not going to lie, it was weird at first. In many ways it felt like I never left but in other ways, I felt like a stranger. That being said, being a stranger quickly faded. I mean this is my home! So much of who I am stemmed from all that I encountered, learned and experienced here. Carlisle is my home. Carlisle will always be my home.
Since being back, a lot has happened. For starters, I launched my "Alumni of the Year" campaign for CPYB. This was a huge step of "just going for it" for me. Usually, I like to plan out exactly how everything will work but this has been different. I've had to go into this campaign without any expectation and hope to make a difference. I still have 5 weeks left and a lot of money to raise but I'm proud of myself for simply giving it a shot.
About two weeks after being home my family took a vacation. Usually we vacation in August but because of schedules, it worked best for us to vacation in June this year. We took our vacation to Stone Harbor, NJ and it was amazing. It definitely made it into my top three vacations. It was so refreshing to spend time with my family, all of us together for four whole days. I'll treasure those days forever. This vacation also marked the beginning of a journey though. One that my family will have to embark on together. One that will either grow us or break us, one that will build us in our faith or cause it to come crashing down. At least, those were my first thoughts.
Some of you may be aware of what I'm setting up here, others my not so let me explain. My family and I have been attending the same church for fourteen years because my dad is a pastor there. Well...is, was, has been? I'm not sure. What I'm getting at is, my dad has felt a call from God to use his talents at a new church, a new town, basically a "new home".
When my dad presented this to my brothers and I on vacation, I actually felt the world close in on me. It was like the wind had been knocked out of me. How do, or rather, how can I accept this? Carlisle is my home. The Meeting House is my church. This place is my place with my people. How am I expected to go away from nine months and come back to a whole new town or city? That's not home. I know it sounds selfish and some of you are probably thinking "home is where family is, Kayla" or "all you need is family and you can get through anything" and while I agree, I was not thinking that during this shock of news. If you know anything about me, you know that I love my family more than anything else but what about those friends that are my family? What about the places where I grew up? What about the places that I met people who changed my life? How does sentimental person like me just pick up and leave all fourteen years of that behind?
That night, I made a point to journal because I had a lot of emotions. Mostly sadness but there was some doubt and even anger. When I come home, I want to come home. I want to have comfort of familiarity. How am I just supposed to adjust to not having that? Why would I ever accept a loss like that?
I guess the most important question is where was God in all of my thoughts? I'd like to say he was present but I'm not sure he was until he made himself present. You see a day or two after my brothers and I got the news of this new adventure, we encountered a storm at the beach. It wasn't terrible, in fact we sat and watched the clouds during it. I caught this picture while we were watching:
Since being back, a lot has happened. For starters, I launched my "Alumni of the Year" campaign for CPYB. This was a huge step of "just going for it" for me. Usually, I like to plan out exactly how everything will work but this has been different. I've had to go into this campaign without any expectation and hope to make a difference. I still have 5 weeks left and a lot of money to raise but I'm proud of myself for simply giving it a shot.
About two weeks after being home my family took a vacation. Usually we vacation in August but because of schedules, it worked best for us to vacation in June this year. We took our vacation to Stone Harbor, NJ and it was amazing. It definitely made it into my top three vacations. It was so refreshing to spend time with my family, all of us together for four whole days. I'll treasure those days forever. This vacation also marked the beginning of a journey though. One that my family will have to embark on together. One that will either grow us or break us, one that will build us in our faith or cause it to come crashing down. At least, those were my first thoughts.
Some of you may be aware of what I'm setting up here, others my not so let me explain. My family and I have been attending the same church for fourteen years because my dad is a pastor there. Well...is, was, has been? I'm not sure. What I'm getting at is, my dad has felt a call from God to use his talents at a new church, a new town, basically a "new home".
When my dad presented this to my brothers and I on vacation, I actually felt the world close in on me. It was like the wind had been knocked out of me. How do, or rather, how can I accept this? Carlisle is my home. The Meeting House is my church. This place is my place with my people. How am I expected to go away from nine months and come back to a whole new town or city? That's not home. I know it sounds selfish and some of you are probably thinking "home is where family is, Kayla" or "all you need is family and you can get through anything" and while I agree, I was not thinking that during this shock of news. If you know anything about me, you know that I love my family more than anything else but what about those friends that are my family? What about the places where I grew up? What about the places that I met people who changed my life? How does sentimental person like me just pick up and leave all fourteen years of that behind?
That night, I made a point to journal because I had a lot of emotions. Mostly sadness but there was some doubt and even anger. When I come home, I want to come home. I want to have comfort of familiarity. How am I just supposed to adjust to not having that? Why would I ever accept a loss like that?
I guess the most important question is where was God in all of my thoughts? I'd like to say he was present but I'm not sure he was until he made himself present. You see a day or two after my brothers and I got the news of this new adventure, we encountered a storm at the beach. It wasn't terrible, in fact we sat and watched the clouds during it. I caught this picture while we were watching:
I was going through our pictures once we got back and God hit me like a truck. I mean look at this picture. You can clearly see the storm, its coming and its coming at full force but you can also see the peace, the ease in the sky. What also amazes me about this picture is that it happened one or two days after my parents explained to us what God has been laying on their hearts. I realized then that no matter what comes our way in this change, in this new adventure or even in this possible storm, God will bring us to the peace. God constantly states that He uses us for His glory, that His ways are greater than ours and this picture was living proof that He is going to do that for the Hallman family. I trust my dad (and mom) more than anyone on this earth and if he says that God is calling him to step out of his comfort zone, I will stand by that and watch it as it unfolds. Family is family and I hope that through this new adventure, God can use my family. Whether that's us a whole or us individually which then creates a whole. Whatever comes our way, there will be peace, there will be light.
There are many things that I am but I'm not. Like I'm an adrenaline junkie but I hate the unknown, I love new adventures but I fear change, time is precious but yet I want to savor every moment. I am but I'm not. That's exactly how I'm feeling in this situation. I'm scared but yet I have peace, I'm sad but yet I'm excited, I'm stepping into the unknown yet I'm honored. God is presenting me and my family a chance for growth and to me, that 's worth gaining a loss.
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