Confidently In The Direction

Hello from California! That's right, we made it. On July 9th (at 6:00 am, might I add), we pulled into the driveway of our new house. We were exhausted from a TERRIBLE day of travel the day before (car broke down 3 times, stranded on the side of the highway twice, spent 3 hours in an auto shop, ended up leaving a car in Vegas, and driving through the night) but also from all the adventuring we had been doing for the two weeks prior. Honestly, even with our awful last day of travel, I think those two weeks may go into my most favorite memories jar. There's nothing better than two with weeks with your family, exploring all the beautiful places this country has to offer.  Anyway, I'm not going to spend a whole blog post just writing about the trip, even though I totally could, because truth is, after my last post I've been kind of silent on my blog. I'm noticing there's a (not so great) pattern with that. It seems after some of my harder posts to share, it take...

Sigh. That's how this blog post literally started for me. I turned off my music, sighed and started typing. I know that seems silly because hello I'm the author of this blog, I can write whatever I want, so why write something I have to "sigh" about? Well, part of me really wants to write this blog post. I've known since the beginning of April that this post was coming, I just didn't necessarily know when I would be able to write it. I didn't know because honestly, this one is a scary one for me. It's scary because, well, I'm going to be reallyyy vulnerable, reallyyy honest, and reallyyy trusting.  You see, I have flaws (shocker, right? ;) ). But seriously, I have many flaws. One of them is something I've been working on since high school, maybe even middle school. I care a lot, I mean a lot  about what others think of me. Part of me thinks it's good sometimes, I value community, being held accountable and people speaking into my life  ...

Ahh.  That's all that comes out of my mouth right now. "Ahh" as I sip my hot chocolate, "ahh" as I sit downstairs with my brother as he sings along to his music but most importantly, I say "ahh" because today is the end of 2016. I know a lot of people are claiming this has been the worst year yet. For some people it's because of an election that was country dividing, frustrating, scary, or whatever else it may have been for you (and that's where we will leave that, please and thank you). For others maybe it's the multitude of celebrity deaths or maybe it's just that personally, 2016 was hard for you. That's where I am. I can easily say, 2016 has been the most mentally exhausting, emotionally draining, single hardest year of my life. I'm not one to look at the negatives or dwell on the hard times without looking for the lessons but I leave this year knowing that both of those qualities were pushed to their very max...

Necessary. If I had to describe this summer in one word, that's the word I would choose. This summer was absolutely necessary for me, for my outlook on life and especially for me to make it through another year in Austin. That may sound depressing or scary but if you think about it, it makes sense. Last year was a big one for me. Straight out of high school, I took on a lot. Living on my own, cooking for myself, working two jobs, paying bills, all while trying to focus on my dance career.  I don't write that to complain, look for pity, hint for compliments or any such response. I knew what I chose to get myself into so I write that because for you to understand why this summer was necessary, you need to understand what my year looked like. While I learned, experience and grew so much from this past year I needed a break from literally trying to survive (hence, the ever famous #KaylaSurvivesOnHerOwn). So I came home and I got back to life in Carlisle. I took a vacation with...

In case you missed the memo: I'm baaaack!!! That's right, I'm home. I'm not going to lie, it was weird at first. In many ways it felt like I never left but in other ways, I felt like a stranger. That being said, being a stranger quickly faded. I mean this is my home! So much of who I am stemmed from all that I encountered, learned and experienced here. Carlisle is my home. Carlisle will always be my home. Since being back, a lot has happened. For starters, I launched my "Alumni of the Year" campaign for CPYB. This was a huge step of "just going for it" for me. Usually, I like to plan out exactly how everything will work but this has been different. I've had to go into this campaign without any expectation and hope to make a difference. I still have 5 weeks left and a lot of money to raise but I'm proud of myself for simply giving it a shot.  About two weeks after being home my family took a vacation. Usually we vacation in August but beca...

May 15, 2016. I remember sitting back home last August and marking this day as "Last day in Austin" in my phone. I was so worried, how was I going to make in 9 months in Austin...alone? That would be the longest 9 months of my life. Here we are though. May 15th, 2016 and this season is coming to an end. I think part of me is still in denial because while this year was probably the most trying thing I've ever been through, it's probably been the most beautiful. In so many ways, I've grown. I've grown as a dancer, undoubtedly, I've grown as a person, I've grown as a daughter, I've grown as a sister, I've grown as a friend and most importantly, I've grown as a Christian. In all areas of my life I have grown. There were definitely points in this year where I just wanted to go back. Go back to Carlisle, Pennsylvania, back to high school, back to my friends and family and the life I've always known but I'm so glad I didn't or rather...

Dear Kayla, I'm writing this letter because I hope you always remember today, your last day of being 18. What a glorious day it was, filled with love, friends and a reminder of one of the most beautiful sounds in life: laughter. Although it marked tomorrow being your first birthday away from home, it was a simple reminder of how you have been so graciously blessed moving down to Austin, Texas. This year has brought a lot of growth between the highs and the lows. Highs like: getting your license, graduating high school, getting a trainee position at Ballet Austin, dancing in your first professional Nutcracker and of course, meeting all sorts of new, beautiful people. It also brought lows like: experiencing heartbreak, change in friendships, learning how to do life without your family all around the same table but through it all, life was still beautiful. A beautiful hike filled with God's never ending grace and mercy covering every mountain and every valley. I'm not su...

I designed this blog to help people from back home stay with me as I venture into this new chapter of my life. For the most part, its been pretty open and honest about my thoughts here and how I'm adjusting. A lot of people have really reached out, responding to my posts with encouragement which I greatly appreciate. Recently though, a close friend of mine pointed out that she was interested in what my day looked like, which is always kind of funny to me because I don't really see my life as too interesting. I'm just like the couple other hundred dancers I follow on Instagram or the majority of my friends here but to others, they are blown away by the idea of my lifestyle or rather, my career. Remembering the goal of this blog and the request my friend had put in for viewing "a day in my life", I decided to spend a day, shall we say, documenting an average work day for Kayla. It's my hope that this post stays true to the open and honest theme I have started bu...

Let me start by simply saying the obvious: it's been a while. It's been awhile because honestly, my brain has been all over the place recently. I mean this physically with work, ballet, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, etc (when did I become so lame???) but also mentally. I've had so many different thoughts lately and for a while I thought they didn't have a connection but sitting here and actually processing, I've realized they are all connected to one thing: Home.  The first place that my brain has been in is Pennsylvania, for the sole reason of missing it. I'm not sure if I'm missing home more than usual right now because fall, my favorite season, doesn't exist here or because it's been a month and a half since I've had a good mom hug. Probably a little bit of both. Anyway, more often than not I find myself imagining how amazing it's going to feel December 23rd (or 24th....Dad and I are still discussing traveling dates. You can guess ...

Let me describe two moments for you. My two moments of, what felt like, invincibility... You're standing backstage just moments before you preform the biggest role of your career so far. This role is one you've spent every year inspired by for the last twelve years. You've seen many other dancers perform it, usually the top dancers of the school, and yet here you are. This year you are the one wearing the pink tutu and holding a handcrafted wand. This year you are the Sugarplum Fairy. It's not something you ever dreamed of doing nor something you ever expected but here you are. The music swells, you make your entrance and suddenly all eyes are on you. You feel stunning, strong, and confident which is different because those things don't usually hit you like they did today, right now, while you are dancing. You look at the little angels smiling as you dance and you remember, that was you twelve years ago. You were the one of the girls with bright eyes and litt...

"Here goes nothing."  That's been my motto for the last three or four days. Leaving home on Wednesday was bittersweet, mostly bitter but still bittersweet. I packed up everything in my room, except a little vanity that holds some picture frames I couldn't fit and I said goodbye to my family. Saying goodbye to my family was excruciatingly hard, especially because the longest I've ever had to say goodbye for was six weeks. First I said goodbye to my three younger brothers. It is hard for me to know that I will be missing a huge year in their lives. For Tyler and Thomas this year, junior year, will probably be their hardest year yet and I wish I could be there. I wish I could be there to offer advice, wisdom and tips to help them survive this year because I've been there, I've had the similar classes and I know how this year will be trying. For Coby this year, freshman year, is a huge year of change and I wish I could watch all he becomes but I can't...