Let me start by simply saying the obvious: it's been a while. It's been awhile because honestly, my brain has been all over the place recently. I mean this physically with work, ballet, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, etc (when did I become so lame???) but also mentally. I've had so many different thoughts lately and for a while I thought they didn't have a connection but sitting here and actually processing, I've realized they are all connected to one thing: Home.
The first place that my brain has been in is Pennsylvania, for the sole reason of missing it. I'm not sure if I'm missing home more than usual right now because fall, my favorite season, doesn't exist here or because it's been a month and a half since I've had a good mom hug. Probably a little bit of both. Anyway, more often than not I find myself imagining how amazing it's going to feel December 23rd (or 24th....Dad and I are still discussing traveling dates. You can guess which date I'm rooting for ;) ) when I'm on the plane that takes me home. I find myself dreaming of laughing with my brothers and just being in the presence of the people I love most. I catch myself thinking about running and holding my best friends so close when we reunite because I really can't wait to see them. As great as Skype is, you can't hug through a screen. Don't get me wrong, I love my new adventure, my new friends, my constant self-discoveries but in all honesty, I hate that I'm 2200 miles away. 2200 miles away from watching my brothers get personal records in sports, from helping them figure out how to get a guest pass to homecoming, from celebrating Anti-marathon day with my dad and from face to face conversations with my mom. I know I'm supposed to be here, I know I'm supposed to learn how to spread my wings but right now, or lately, my wings would like a rest.
Even with all that missing-home-emptiness I've been feeling, I did have a highlight yesterday. I stopped my the local grocery store, HEB, to grab some milk (since now I'm in charge of getting those things for myself...) and as I was waiting for my roommate by the door, I looked up and someone waved to me. This someone was a coworker, which seems like something small but for me it wasn't. For the first time since being in Austin, I saw someone I knew that wasn't a roommate or from ballet. This coworker and I had a small conversation before going our separate ways but honestly, it meant a lot to me. I finally felt fully adjusted here. Fully adjusted enough to be able to run into someone at the grocery store and say hi. I'm not just a girl living here anymore, I'm here as a living, breathing, functioning girl. I'm meeting people, doing things, living life which is exactly what I would be doing back home. To me that's comforting. Knowing that while I desperately wish, more than anything, I could hop in a car and drive three hours to be home for fall break, I can't. Reality is I won't be home until Christmas, so until then I will be here. I will be here running into friends at the grocery store, laughing with my roommates, dancing hard, working hard, really doing life here so that when I do return home, my wings can rest easy.
The first place that my brain has been in is Pennsylvania, for the sole reason of missing it. I'm not sure if I'm missing home more than usual right now because fall, my favorite season, doesn't exist here or because it's been a month and a half since I've had a good mom hug. Probably a little bit of both. Anyway, more often than not I find myself imagining how amazing it's going to feel December 23rd (or 24th....Dad and I are still discussing traveling dates. You can guess which date I'm rooting for ;) ) when I'm on the plane that takes me home. I find myself dreaming of laughing with my brothers and just being in the presence of the people I love most. I catch myself thinking about running and holding my best friends so close when we reunite because I really can't wait to see them. As great as Skype is, you can't hug through a screen. Don't get me wrong, I love my new adventure, my new friends, my constant self-discoveries but in all honesty, I hate that I'm 2200 miles away. 2200 miles away from watching my brothers get personal records in sports, from helping them figure out how to get a guest pass to homecoming, from celebrating Anti-marathon day with my dad and from face to face conversations with my mom. I know I'm supposed to be here, I know I'm supposed to learn how to spread my wings but right now, or lately, my wings would like a rest.
Even with all that missing-home-emptiness I've been feeling, I did have a highlight yesterday. I stopped my the local grocery store, HEB, to grab some milk (since now I'm in charge of getting those things for myself...) and as I was waiting for my roommate by the door, I looked up and someone waved to me. This someone was a coworker, which seems like something small but for me it wasn't. For the first time since being in Austin, I saw someone I knew that wasn't a roommate or from ballet. This coworker and I had a small conversation before going our separate ways but honestly, it meant a lot to me. I finally felt fully adjusted here. Fully adjusted enough to be able to run into someone at the grocery store and say hi. I'm not just a girl living here anymore, I'm here as a living, breathing, functioning girl. I'm meeting people, doing things, living life which is exactly what I would be doing back home. To me that's comforting. Knowing that while I desperately wish, more than anything, I could hop in a car and drive three hours to be home for fall break, I can't. Reality is I won't be home until Christmas, so until then I will be here. I will be here running into friends at the grocery store, laughing with my roommates, dancing hard, working hard, really doing life here so that when I do return home, my wings can rest easy.
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