December 30, 2016: "I pray next year proves to be incredibly more peaceful. I pray this for both my sanity's sake but also I pray it is peaceful remembering that no matter what, God will carry me. Even though the deepest of waters."
That is the final line in my journal entry from one year ago.
First of all, it's Crazy, with a capital C, that in two short days it will be 2018. I almost feel like I'm living in a dream because how in the world did the year go by so fast? As I look back, this year was such sweet one; filled with so much growing. I'm thankful for a new year but also a bit nervous.
Here's the thing, when I sat down on year ago to type a blog similar to this I kinda knew what to expect of 2017. First of all, I knew that I was SO glad that 2016 was over. I mean extremely glad. 2016 was my hardest year to this date...and that's with a move across the country happening this year. With that in mind, I knew 2017 could only get better. Come what may but I was going to live my best life in 2017. I also knew that I would be moving from Austin that spring. I wasn't sure what city I would be moving to because it depended on the company that I would be hired in to, of course, but I knew I wouldn't be in Austin. I knew that my family and I were going to have to rely on each other. We were going to have to communicate and be honest with each other as worked through the transition that comes with moving across the country. Most importantly though, I knew I wanted to just feel peace. So I made that my word for 2017. Peace.
I read from December 30th, 2016 until December 30th, 2017 in my journal today. Do you want to hear something crazy? The word peace is in almost every journal entry. Whether it's a prayer, something I read in the Bible or just something I felt that day, the word peace is most likely there. Don't believe me? Here is a prayer from every month:
1/14/17: "You are a most complex puzzle but one that brings more life, more joy and more peace than anything in this world."
2/22/17: "I pray that you will continue to humble me, even when it hurts. I want 20 to shine for you Jesus. I want it to shine in authenticity, in joy, in peace but most of all, in the truth that He reigns, He satisfies and He is true."
3/27/17: "I thank you for peace. Peace in you and comfort that you are the planner."
4/7/17: "Lord, I am genuinely nervous for my future and I know you have it under control but I am praying for peace. Peace that you will makes my path straight and renew my confidence."
5/6/17:"...mine was the beauty of being broken because I truly have been broken this year and even still God has given me peace"
June: (You'll notice June doesn't have an entry. I was busy moving across the country but believe me when I tell you I felt peace. I don't think you can be at the top of the Rockies or hiking 5,000 feet up in the air, see God's marvelous creation and not feel peace. But that's just me. ;))
7/10/17 (first entry in CA): "Lord, as we get settled here, I pray for peace and direction as we work out the details"
8/23/17: "Thank you for your love, your peace and your plan for me"
9/7/17: "I guess what I'm asking for is peace. Peace that you would still my unpleased heart and calm my anxious mind"
10/23/17: "My heart is in a very weird place right now. I feel very much at peace yet I should feel very stressed"
11/28/17: "You worked it all to get me here. Now, I am less than one week away from my very own Nutcracker and while I am a bit nervous, I have so much peace. Thank you. I am so grateful"
12/30/17: "I feel like I could go on and on. Lord, you do know exactly what you are doing. As I look back, you've granted me peace this past year. The one thing I longed for. I am so in awe"
When I read through and saw this, tears welled in my eyes. I thought I knew what would happen in 2017. I thought I would be in some extravagant city, dancing my life away and proving people wrong. I thought, I thought, I thought but He knew. He knew what kind of peace I needed. It's a lot different than I imagined but it's exactly what I longed for. The peace that I've felt over this past year, it passes all my understanding.
One Christmas Eve, my dad asked the congregation: "How has this little baby Jesus transformed your life? If he is yours and you are his, how are you different?" (Or something along those lines, it was definitely more eloquent but I don't remember the exact quote). I've been thinking about this a lot lately. How am I made different because I claim to follow Jesus? Well, for starters I think this year proves that because of Him, I can find peace when I should have none. That's not to brag or make a point to say that I am better because I have peace when the average human shouldn't. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I am the average human but he gave me peace this year and I am so thankful.
I mentioned I was a little bit nervous for 2018 earlier in this post and you may be asking why? Well, I told you that I knew what to expect in 2017. It was going to be a great year no matter what. This year, I don't know what to expect. I pray it's a great year but I have no clue. But I have learned that I don't necessarily have to be nervous. God has shown that He is a God that will indeed carry me through the deepest of waters. He will indeed look down and give me the sweetest peace. This year may contain some seasons of heartache, I have no way of knowing, and I'm not saying it will be easy but I do know that He will be sovereign.
Even as I look to 2018 not knowing what to expect, I know a few things. I know what my word for the year is: Unashamed. I decided this word a few weeks ago when I looked up the definition. According to Mirriam-Webster, unashamed means: being without self-consciousness, guilt or doubt. After a few seasons of listening to others define who I am because of my body, because of my skill, because of this and because of that I've decided I want to be unashamed in who I am because of whose I am this year. I want to be unashamed as I whole-heartedly follow where God is leading me. I want to be unashamed as I work towards my goals. Goals like: being a better teacher, dream bigger in my business, and going to counseling. Unashamed as a I learn a new hobby (if you know a piano teacher in the Elk Grove area, let ya girl know), as I try to pour into relationships and read the Bible chronologically. I want 2018 to be the year of being Unashamed so that God's glory may shine brighter through me.
All that to say I'm sad to see you go 2017. You were a sweet year of growing but come what may 2018. I'll still be living my best life because I'm a peace filled, unashamed gal who loves Jesus and has the King of the world on my side.
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| Picture is from The Rocky Mountains..where I felt my strongest urge of peace |
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