#KaylaThrivesOnHerOwn

Necessary. If I had to describe this summer in one word, that's the word I would choose. This summer was absolutely necessary for me, for my outlook on life and especially for me to make it through another year in Austin. That may sound depressing or scary but if you think about it, it makes sense. Last year was a big one for me. Straight out of high school, I took on a lot. Living on my own, cooking for myself, working two jobs, paying bills, all while trying to focus on my dance career.  I don't write that to complain, look for pity, hint for compliments or any such response. I knew what I chose to get myself into so I write that because for you to understand why this summer was necessary, you need to understand what my year looked like. While I learned, experience and grew so much from this past year I needed a break from literally trying to survive (hence, the ever famous #KaylaSurvivesOnHerOwn).

So I came home and I got back to life in Carlisle. I took a vacation with my family, I learned about a transition we were about to embark on, I worked my summer job, I took classes, I hung out with my friends and then August hit and I made a decision. August was going to be "me" month. I would spend August to reflect on this past year, to anticipate this coming year, to spend more time with God, but most importantly take three weeks away from ballet. To anyone reading this who is dancer, you're probably thinking: "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you in the studio working so you can get better? Don't you love it?" and I would reply, yes. I love it so much that I needed time away. I needed time to step back from constantly beating myself up when I looked in the mirror, I needed time to really process what I wanted to get out this year, what I wanted to get out of the future in my career and how to go about life without letting ballet, and all the thoughts that come with it, consume me. See by the end of the season, I was consumed by doubt, anxiety, fear and so many other things that were masking why I loved to dance but more importantly, masking my trust in God. Over this month by letting my thoughts quiet down a little bit I was reminded (with the help of some friends and family :)) that I am a child of God who happens to dance, rather than a dancer who is a child of God.  I am loved because of who I am in Him, not because of who I am as a dancer. I don't have to be afraid of the future because of Him, not because of what others say. I don't have to find my worth in my body because He thought I was worth dying for.

Since remembering this, I anticipate this year will look a different for me. I'm going to try to stress less and experience more, to control less and trust more, to fear less and hope more. I want to thrive more and survive less. Merriam Webster describes "Thrive (v)" as this:   to flourish or succeed; to progress toward or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances. This year, I want to flourish. Flourish as a follower of Christ, as an adult and as a dancer and because I've taken three weeks to really process and acknowledge this, I'm ready. I'm ready to adult (and all that brings) again, I'm ready take to dance my heart out, I'm ready to thrive.