A New Thanksgiving

It's crazy how things change from year to year. That's been a huge, eye opening element for me this year. I mean this time last year, I was so happy. Thanksgiving, after all, is my favorite holiday and this holiday is always guaranteed to bring some of my most treasured memories. Usually I would be spending the night before Thanksgiving with my cousin, preparing for a huge family meal the next day that would be sure to be filled with lots of love and laughter. On top of all that, this week provided the perfect little breather right before Nutcracker kicked into full swing. This year though I'm okay. I mean I'm sitting in  my apartment alone, tending to my sore muscles because Nutcracker is already in full swing and honestly, there is a part of wishing I could be anywhere but here.

Of course, this holiday always brings the constant reflection of thankfulness and for a while that was hard for me to grasp this time around. I think back to August when I learned I wouldn't be home for Thanksgiving and I knew it was going to suck. I know that using "suck" as a description word for a situation isn't the most uplifting thing but honestly, there is no other way to describe it. It kinda does suck to be sitting alone in your apartment away from family the night before Thanksgiving, even when you've been blessed with so many loving people opening their home so you too can celebrate. It kinda does suck to see all your friends return home from college for the week even though you know you have some people around you who are in the same boat. But most of all, it kinda does suck to realize that life kinda happens with or without you. With all that "suckiness", it's also really hard to be thankful. I know, that makes me sound like a selfish, cold hearted person but honestly, that's where my heart was in August and even earlier today until I was given an opportunity to change my perspective. 

I sent a lot of my closest friends a similar text today, saying I missed them a lot. Two of my best friends were together when they got these texts and sent me a selfie together and immediately I started bawling. I started bawling because receiving that picture just solidified everything I had buried in my heart. Thanksgiving, the holiday, and thanksgiving, the actual action, have prove to be hard this year. Like any best friend would though, my sweet friends skyped me immediately after I replied with a horrendous picture of me crying and soon after my mood and perspective immediately shifted. 

I realized that this year, I truly understand what it is to be thankful. My mom keeps a thanksgiving book and every year we write what we're thankful for. Usually my descriptions look the same. This year, my description has changed because this year I've learned just how thankful I am and why I have every reason to be thankful. I mean for starters I have my Savior, Jesus Christ, who sees my broken, tired, and lonely, but hopeful, passionate and humbled heart and chooses to love and pursue every piece of it each day. I know that I would not be surviving this new chapter without my relationship with him and all that I am learning through his loving grace and mercy. Then I have my family, one that definitely beats all the others. I mean I can feel their love, support, strength and laughter all the way in Texas and I wish that my fellow readers could feel the power of that. I don't know of a better example of love then the one my family provides and I am forever thankful for that. On top of that, I have so many friends, young and younger ( ;) ), new and old, all of which have offered advice, comfort and love which always proves to pick me up. I don't know what I would do without those who I am blessed to know. My heart feels peace because of you, my sweet friends, truly. Besides all those wonderful blessings, I've been graced with opportunities. Opportunities to follow my dreams, opportunities to reach out of my comfort zone, opportunities to discover myself, opportunities to share my passion, the list goes on. I'm blessed with roommates who are beyond amazing.  Those three sweet girls are making this journey a million times better. I've been given mountains and valleys but I'm hiking all of them because I have been given the most precious thing, life.

So here I am, sitting alone in Texas and while I may be lonely, I am thankful. More thankful than I have ever been in my whole life and this thanksgiving, I hope anyone reading this can find that for themselves too.