Have you ever seen "The Incredibles"? If you have, you probably remember Edna Mode. If not, let me paint a picture of her for you. She's this spunky, straight forward, confident, creative, funny, little super hero outfit designer. Most of the "supers", as their fondly named in the movie, go to her when they need a new, or fixed up, super outfit because she's the best of the best. I would like to think that Edna Mode is my spirit animal. She says some of my favorite lines in the movie by my absolute favorite is this: "I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now."
My brothers and I were watching "The Incredibles" earlier this week and the weight of that line didn't really hit me until today. It's so easy to look back on the "glory days" of our lives sometimes that we forget what greatness we're in now. I could also argue that's the theme of the whole movie but, believe it or not, this blog post is not a movie analysis.
My dad and I were running together this past Sunday and we were talking about titles; how it can be so easy to let them define you. Right now I'm in a season where, for the first time in my life, I don't necessarily have a defined title. Of course I have my "most prized titles" like daughter, big sister and friend but I don't have a "life goal" title, if you will, like dancer, author or scientist which I once had (to clarify: author or scientist were never my title. Scientist never will be. I'm open to the author title though ;)). That, for me, can be hard to just embrace, especially when you move to a new place and people are getting to know you. A lot of people have asked me: "Are you going to school?", "What do you do?", "What are your plans here?", etc, etc. and while all of those are valid questions, I can very quickly begin to feel less than, like I'm viewed as unmotivated or maybe even worse, a failure. Now disclaimer: none of that is their fault. Everyone here has been so welcoming and kind so in no way am I bashing that. It is completely on me to feel this way or think these thoughts but if I'm being honest, it's very easy for me to sink into those feelings.
My senior year of high school was a year of titles for me. Not only was I my "prized titles", daughter, big sister and friend, but I was also a girlfriend, a dancer, a high school student, involved in my youth group and so on and so forth. I was involved in so much and had countless different opportunities. When I fast forward to now, I am a possible dancer, a possible college student, a possible blogger, a possible this and a possible that. All my titles are possible, not defined and I find myself waiting and dreaming of when my titles will be defined again. And then I remember, it's so easy to let titles define you.
Since really thinking about that silly Edna Mode quote and the conversation with my dad, I've been pondering why I'm so anxious to get back to my "glory days" of titles, why I'm ready to be done waiting for my next big thing. But maybe that's the problem: when I look at this season as a season of waiting, it's easy for me to get distracted from the now. Waiting implies that something amazing is coming, that right now isn't good enough but what if it is? What if I looked at this season as a season of unknown? And what if I saw that season of unknown as an incredible blessing? I could use this season of no titles to dream big, to jump into my long awaited adventures, to humbly rest in the Lord. I could use this season to rediscover peace, to pour into those around me like I never have before. I could use this season to forget ever changing titles and embrace a single, forever title: image barrier for Christ. It's so easy for me to think back to what was in the past, distracting me from the what is in the now.
I've realized today that honestly, I am probably the only person that cares about my "titles". My brother sure don't, my parents don't, my true friends don't, my greatest supporters don't and my God definitely doesn't. In this season of unknown, I am challenging myself to look less in the past and be completely here. I'm challenging myself to not be anxiously waiting but fully embracing. Taking each day to find the sweetness in a season of rest and discovery. When I think about it, how many people my age get that chance? How many young adults get some time to truly listen to their hearts, try a million different things and just breathe? In an age where life is always going, always beeping, always ringing, always posting, I think unknown and title-less is getting harder and harder to find.
So I will gladly accept this season. I will rest in the unknown and embrace a season where my titles don't define me. I will focus on the now and not be distracted by the past and I will be thankful. I will be thankful for what I'm learning, how I'm growing and that my one true title, image barrier for Christ, is one that will last forever.
My girl, Edna Mode:
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