Three Hundred And Sixty Five

I'm so thankful.

I've been sitting at my computer for the past month trying to adequately explain that in a nice blog post. I've tried to incorporate life metaphors, great opening lines, imagery from the creek right outside our window, so many stinking ways to just say I'm so thankful.

I know, this time of year Thankfulness is always so emphasized. I hear ya with the argument that we should be thankful all year round. I also hear you with the argument that we shouldn't spend a day being thankful and then spend the next 4 spending all our money on super sales both in stores and online. I hear you with all the arguments but here I am just saying I'm so thankful.

I'm so thankful because 365 days ago, I was a very different person. Of course, I was still Kayla Justine Hallman. I still had a lot of the same dreams, the same pet peeves, the same habits & nervous ticks but deep down inside I was a very broken, worn out girl. I was tired of life kicking me in the butt, I was tired of questioning if God was a good God and I was most definitely tired of trying to be thankful. 365 days is a lot of time though and God is a really big God.

Here's the thing, 365 days ago I wouldn't have imagined my life as it is right now. I definitely didn't think I would become the Ballet Director at a local school here in Elk Grove, choreograph a full Nutcracker and absolutely love every second of it. I didn't think that I would find the most inspiring dancers and teachers at that school and fall in love with dance in a way that I never have before. I didn't think that I would work at a pilates studio, or own my own skincare business. I didn't think that I would move to California and feel so at peace about it. I didn't think that God would take my broken dreams and make them so much more than I ever could have hoped. I didn't think God was big enough to make any of that happen, especially when my friends' parents have cancer, my brothers have college to choose and pay for and there's death & disease happening all over the world. But, God is a big God.

I've been wrestling with this idea lately, the idea of God being so big. It's kind of mind blowing actually. If move across the country and have people in every time zone that you're trying to communicate with, you start to get an idea of how big God must be. His life is probably like that times ten million. Then it hits me that I'll probably never even know how big God is...and that's even crazier.

Even still, I do know this: God is big enough to see me in my deepest, darkest days. He's big enough to see me then because He was big enough to die on the cross for me hundreds of generations before I was even a thought. He's big enough to see me then because when my DNA was knit together in my momma's womb, He looked at it and said "It is good." He's big enough to say "Kayla, I know the plans I have for you. See the birds and how I provide for them? Aren't you so much more valuable? I will provide for you" (Jeremiah 29:11 & Matthew 6:25-26).  He's big enough to orchestrate a life that I could have never imagined in 365 days and for that I am so thankful.

So, I don't really have a fancy, inspiring, outlook changing blog post for you, my sweet reader. I just have this truth that I'm discovering. God is a big God. He's bigger than I'll ever know but I'm starting to understand that. God is a sweet God. He's a sweet God because in 365 days He can take a broken girl and breathe fresh life into her lungs, in ways she never expected. Most of all, God indeed is a good God because He gives me a reason to be thankful, even when it might take 365 days to see it.