Confidently In The Direction

If you follow me on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook you've seen my recent pictures series, #KaylaCountsTilChristmas2015, and probably concluded that I was getting pretty impatient to get home. If you came to that conclusion, you would be 100% correct. Don't get me wrong, I love being independent. I love grocery shopping, planning my schedule and figuring out myself in a new city but I don't think anything will ever beat being in the comfort of my home. I don't even mean my physical home because my room is still barren which is weird but just being in the comfort, laughter and love of my family and friends. Being in a place that I can walk down the street and find memories or knowing that I'll walk in my door and be greeted by my sweet dog. Being home for nine days and the new year coming up (which by the way, I would like time to stop for me to catch up please and thank you) I've been thinking about a lot. First of all, this year is ending in ways I could neve

It's crazy how things change from year to year. That's been a huge, eye opening element for me this year. I mean this time last year, I was so happy. Thanksgiving, after all, is my favorite holiday and this holiday is always guaranteed to bring some of my most treasured memories. Usually I would be spending the night before Thanksgiving with my cousin, preparing for a huge family meal the next day that would be sure to be filled with lots of love and laughter. On top of all that, this week provided the perfect little breather right before Nutcracker kicked into full swing. This year though I'm okay. I mean I'm sitting in  my apartment alone, tending to my sore muscles because Nutcracker is already in full swing and honestly, there is a part of wishing I could be anywhere but here. Of course, this holiday always brings the constant reflection of thankfulness and for a while that was hard for me to grasp this time around. I think back to August when I learned I wouldn

I designed this blog to help people from back home stay with me as I venture into this new chapter of my life. For the most part, its been pretty open and honest about my thoughts here and how I'm adjusting. A lot of people have really reached out, responding to my posts with encouragement which I greatly appreciate. Recently though, a close friend of mine pointed out that she was interested in what my day looked like, which is always kind of funny to me because I don't really see my life as too interesting. I'm just like the couple other hundred dancers I follow on Instagram or the majority of my friends here but to others, they are blown away by the idea of my lifestyle or rather, my career. Remembering the goal of this blog and the request my friend had put in for viewing "a day in my life", I decided to spend a day, shall we say, documenting an average work day for Kayla. It's my hope that this post stays true to the open and honest theme I have started bu

Let me start by simply saying the obvious: it's been a while. It's been awhile because honestly, my brain has been all over the place recently. I mean this physically with work, ballet, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, etc (when did I become so lame???) but also mentally. I've had so many different thoughts lately and for a while I thought they didn't have a connection but sitting here and actually processing, I've realized they are all connected to one thing: Home.  The first place that my brain has been in is Pennsylvania, for the sole reason of missing it. I'm not sure if I'm missing home more than usual right now because fall, my favorite season, doesn't exist here or because it's been a month and a half since I've had a good mom hug. Probably a little bit of both. Anyway, more often than not I find myself imagining how amazing it's going to feel December 23rd (or 24th....Dad and I are still discussing traveling dates. You can guess

Do you ever just have those moments when suddenly thoughts hit you like a surprise attack? You know those moments where you're driving in your car, you hear a song and next thing you know you're crying. I had one of those today....and not because I was sad.  I was sitting at a stop light listening to the radio and I heard these words: "I don't need my name in lights, I'm famous in my Father's eyes...  ...I'm not living for applause  I'm already so adored It's on His stage He knows my name" Of course, I've heard this song before and I know that it's one of my favorites but today it just hit home for me.  I'm not really sure why it hit me today. I mean I've had a great week so far and besides from the usual missing my family, nothing terrible is going on but I heard those words and next thing I know tears were rolling down my face. After really focusing on what I was feeling in that moment I came to thi

Let me describe two moments for you. My two moments of, what felt like, invincibility... You're standing backstage just moments before you preform the biggest role of your career so far. This role is one you've spent every year inspired by for the last twelve years. You've seen many other dancers perform it, usually the top dancers of the school, and yet here you are. This year you are the one wearing the pink tutu and holding a handcrafted wand. This year you are the Sugarplum Fairy. It's not something you ever dreamed of doing nor something you ever expected but here you are. The music swells, you make your entrance and suddenly all eyes are on you. You feel stunning, strong, and confident which is different because those things don't usually hit you like they did today, right now, while you are dancing. You look at the little angels smiling as you dance and you remember, that was you twelve years ago. You were the one of the girls with bright eyes and litt

This week was a roller coaster and I'll be honest, I saw more downs that ups but looking back, even with my downs, I am thankful.  Let me start by saying, ballet started this  past Tuesday and I am overjoyed. Gone are the long mornings of waiting around, struggling to find things to do in my new city, instead I am doing what I love. I am back in the studio, learning, discovering, growing and most of all happy. This was the first "up" in my week this week and I plan to describe my classes more in a future blog post so stay tuned! After classes on Tuesday I had an interview or a job at Anthropologie. Some of my readers may or may not know that getting a job has been my biggest stress lately so this interview carried a lot of weight for me.  It went well and I was confident especially when I learned I was called back for a second interview on Thursday. But...Thursday was my breaking point. Between the soreness of my body, the mixed emotions of what this year coul

Today is my dad's birthday! This deserves a blog post for the obvious reason, today 48 years ago the world became a better place because my dad was born. It also deserves a blog post because this year is the first birthday, well in my lifetime, that I will not be celebrating with him and the rest of my family. I guess that could be considered a good thing since it shows that I'm growing up and taking on new adventures but it also means that there is a little part of my heart crying out for home.  If you know my dad, you know how great of an influence he is to all people,  myself included. My dad is a man that persistently seeks God, always makes time for others, and constantly invites adventure and fun into my family's life. My dad is a man of deep love, abundant talent, fruitful leadership, and never ending kindness. I've learned this not only because of his love, guidance and presence in my life but also by watching him interact with so many people over the co

"Here goes nothing."  That's been my motto for the last three or four days. Leaving home on Wednesday was bittersweet, mostly bitter but still bittersweet. I packed up everything in my room, except a little vanity that holds some picture frames I couldn't fit and I said goodbye to my family. Saying goodbye to my family was excruciatingly hard, especially because the longest I've ever had to say goodbye for was six weeks. First I said goodbye to my three younger brothers. It is hard for me to know that I will be missing a huge year in their lives. For Tyler and Thomas this year, junior year, will probably be their hardest year yet and I wish I could be there. I wish I could be there to offer advice, wisdom and tips to help them survive this year because I've been there, I've had the similar classes and I know how this year will be trying. For Coby this year, freshman year, is a huge year of change and I wish I could watch all he becomes but I can't