Confidently In The Direction

Necessary. If I had to describe this summer in one word, that's the word I would choose. This summer was absolutely necessary for me, for my outlook on life and especially for me to make it through another year in Austin. That may sound depressing or scary but if you think about it, it makes sense. Last year was a big one for me. Straight out of high school, I took on a lot. Living on my own, cooking for myself, working two jobs, paying bills, all while trying to focus on my dance career.  I don't write that to complain, look for pity, hint for compliments or any such response. I knew what I chose to get myself into so I write that because for you to understand why this summer was necessary, you need to understand what my year looked like. While I learned, experience and grew so much from this past year I needed a break from literally trying to survive (hence, the ever famous #KaylaSurvivesOnHerOwn). So I came home and I got back to life in Carlisle. I took a vacation with...

17 girls, 5 weeks...sounds daunting.  Daunting because for five weeks, I am going to be in charge on seventeen freshman-aged girls.  That's how I felt 6 weeks ago, when I started by job as an RA for CPYB's summer program. I didn't know what to expect. What would each girl bring to our hall, what I would bring to our hall, am I qualified to handle seventeen girls, do I even remember what being fourteen was like? All these doubts ran through my head. I was nervous yet excited, to say the least. Once I met these girls, I quickly realized how extremely humbling it is to have seventeen little sweets run to you. Run to you when they miss home, when they need bugs killed, when they need a smile, when they have questions about life, when they need something to do or  when they need a friend. Suddenly, I was responsible for making sure these kids have the best five weeks of their life.  Let me tell you something though. As much as I hope our five weeks together...

In case you missed the memo: I'm baaaack!!! That's right, I'm home. I'm not going to lie, it was weird at first. In many ways it felt like I never left but in other ways, I felt like a stranger. That being said, being a stranger quickly faded. I mean this is my home! So much of who I am stemmed from all that I encountered, learned and experienced here. Carlisle is my home. Carlisle will always be my home. Since being back, a lot has happened. For starters, I launched my "Alumni of the Year" campaign for CPYB. This was a huge step of "just going for it" for me. Usually, I like to plan out exactly how everything will work but this has been different. I've had to go into this campaign without any expectation and hope to make a difference. I still have 5 weeks left and a lot of money to raise but I'm proud of myself for simply giving it a shot.  About two weeks after being home my family took a vacation. Usually we vacation in August but beca...

May 15, 2016. I remember sitting back home last August and marking this day as "Last day in Austin" in my phone. I was so worried, how was I going to make in 9 months in Austin...alone? That would be the longest 9 months of my life. Here we are though. May 15th, 2016 and this season is coming to an end. I think part of me is still in denial because while this year was probably the most trying thing I've ever been through, it's probably been the most beautiful. In so many ways, I've grown. I've grown as a dancer, undoubtedly, I've grown as a person, I've grown as a daughter, I've grown as a sister, I've grown as a friend and most importantly, I've grown as a Christian. In all areas of my life I have grown. There were definitely points in this year where I just wanted to go back. Go back to Carlisle, Pennsylvania, back to high school, back to my friends and family and the life I've always known but I'm so glad I didn't or rather...

"You are not enough. Honestly, how could you be? You're not enough to get an offer from any other company, you're not enough to be promoted, even after 13 years of nothing but hard work and a year of living on your own, and you are no where near deserving enough of the kind of love you desire. How could you ever think that you are enough?" That's been my thought process friends. For the last two months, that's where I've been. I know opening my first blog post after two months like that is harsh but I don't know how else to explain where my heart and mind has been. I promised to be honest and that, my dear reader, is an honest look at my heart lately. Maybe I should have started by saying, it's been a hard month. Lots of different things have happened, all adding weight to my shoulders, but I don't think you could fully understand the heaviness of where I've been if I had started otherwise. Truth is, I've been gone. Gone from bre...

Dear Kayla, I'm writing this letter because I hope you always remember today, your last day of being 18. What a glorious day it was, filled with love, friends and a reminder of one of the most beautiful sounds in life: laughter. Although it marked tomorrow being your first birthday away from home, it was a simple reminder of how you have been so graciously blessed moving down to Austin, Texas. This year has brought a lot of growth between the highs and the lows. Highs like: getting your license, graduating high school, getting a trainee position at Ballet Austin, dancing in your first professional Nutcracker and of course, meeting all sorts of new, beautiful people. It also brought lows like: experiencing heartbreak, change in friendships, learning how to do life without your family all around the same table but through it all, life was still beautiful. A beautiful hike filled with God's never ending grace and mercy covering every mountain and every valley. I'm not su...

I love clouds. I love how fascinating they are, how they can be a great paradox. Like clouds are so weightless but yet they can be so heavy, they're so far away but yet they can surround us, they add such beauty but yet can be so ugly. I love them yet I hate them just as much.  Now, I may have just confused you out of your mind so its probably important to note that I am comparing two separate clouds: physical clouds and a metaphorical cloud. See I love physical clouds. I love how unique every one is, how they can add such personality to the sky. I love how weightless they are yet how much weight they add when it comes to beauty. So why do I hate clouds? Let me tell you. I've been stuck in a cloud for probably three weeks now. It's not one of those "I'm on cloud nine" clouds, it's one of those "I hate what I see", "what if", tiring, doubt-filled, ever present, grey clouds. It's this constant weight that just surrounds me. I'm ...